


Glad to be Gay

by Stria (Asia117)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1980s, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Historical References, M/M, Pride Parade, Unreliable Narrator, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7423057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asia117/pseuds/Stria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It's the same old story all over the world</i>
  <br/>
  <i>When a boy meets a boy and a girl meets a girl</i>
  <br/>
  <i>We all come together cos we're happy to say</i>
  <br/>
  <i>It's a natural fact that it's good to be gay </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>[Or, it's the 80s. Harry and Louis are together.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glad to be Gay

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so this was written in like two hours and it's almost three AM here and this is also very much not betaed (because I wanted to post it like right now, lmao), so if you find errors and you tell me I'll love you forever and ever.
> 
> (Or also maybe I'll have it betaed aftaer I slept a bit.)
> 
> Anyway, a note before starting the fic. There's not that much of historical notes, but you can place the fic at the London pride march in 1980, since I took the path of the parade from that year. And also the [arrest of one of the Brixton Faeries](http://www.gayinthe80s.com/2013/05/1980-police-problems-at-uks-lesbian-and-gay-pride/) from there.
> 
>  **ALSO IMPORTANT** : during the 60s and 70s till the beginning of the 80s the opinion on the coming out was that you _had_ to do it or you would be a "bad queer" and lying, and also not contributing to the advancement of the community. If you want to read more about it you can go with [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Why-Marriage-History-Shaping-Equality/dp/0465009581?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0), since it's the one I took this info from when I was writing my dissertation. Hence, in the fic you will find some statements saying that staying in the closet = bad. THIS IS NOT TRUE and you're all amazing and put your safety first ♡♡♡♡

_“Do you think we could ever live our life without hearing about these things, Lou?”_

_“I really hope so, H. I really do.”_

 

 

 _Cos it’s the same old story all over the world_  
_When a boy meets a boy and a girl meets a girl_  
_We all come together cos we’re happy to say_  
_It’s a natural fact that it’s good to be gay_  
[Tom Robinson—Good to be Gay]

 

 

 

 

 

The noise was awful around Harry. The pride hat taken a turn for the worst just five minutes before, with the meeting of a group of particular violent people on the head of the parade, and a brick was thrown in the direction of the pride parade. Harry had lost Leigh-Anne right after in the confusion, her Lavender Menace shirt disappearing in the crowd, and he ardently hoped she would be safe.

They were just a handful of people, and the protesters really outnumbered them; Harry’s hand went unconsciously to cover his pin, the one he bought with Louis at Gay’s the Word when he was feeling cheeky.

Louis had mumbled that he didn’t really want to be too much visible, but he’s been convinced when Harry told him he could just hide it, but if would be nice to have something to wear together, and if maybe he could come to the pride parade with Harry, too…

Louis had hesitated, saying he would think about it, and he would see what he could do. Harry chose not to press the matter, knowing that Louis’ parents were especially uptight and he barely had a moment to breathe. It’s not that Harry’s mum was better, really, but she was a single working class mother, there was only so much she could do to control him, as opposed to Louis’ bourgeois family.

So he went to the parade with Leigh-Anne and tried not to think about the fact that he could have been with Louis, proudly celebrating their love.

Maybe next year, then.

 

_The bookshop is silent and dim-lighted. It’s the quietest shift, the one between noon and four pm, and Harry’s alone. He doesn’t trust himself with turning all the lights on, that with how much time people have shattered their glass. And he knows he couldn’t even take down one of them, let alone a group._

_When the door opens, he barely hears it, doesn’t really take his eyes off_ Giovanni’s Room _. It’s only when someone coughs quietly in front of him that he raises his head and his heart skips a beat._

_There’s a young man standing in front of him, expression closed and fearing, and clutching a couple books to his chest. He’s got big, clear eyes, and a petite figure; he’s dressed posh and prim, his hair combed straight and shiny, and his shirt and jacket without a wrinkle. Harry thinks of his large wool sweater and he almost blushes._

_He looks delicate and frail, like he doesn’t want to be here, and Harry understands it, Harry’s sure he had the same look on his face when he entered_ Gay’s the Word _for the first time, scared that his mother or sister could somehow smell the queer on him back home._

_Back then, there was Leigh-Anne with a smile and a cup of scalding hot tea to make him less scared and less naïve, and she’s now his best friend._

_Harry wants to be this boy’s Leigh-Anne._

 

Harry’s breath was coming short; he couldn’t find a way to pass the double line of police officers to get out of the parade. The noise came muffled to his ears, and he just wanted to go on the other side to breathe a bit without getting elbowed in the stomach.

The police hadn’t done anything when the brick was thrown towards the parade, preferring to contain the queers protesting, Harry thought bitterly. He’d seen them arresting someone in drag from the Brixton Faeries, gesturing wildly to his hat and then putting him on the ground to cuff him.

The double line of officers prevented him from seeing the other side of the road, and he was too scared to get too close to them, he was able to avoid every single bar raid till that moment and he wouldn’t have his family discovering he was a queer that way.

Leigh-Anne didn’t like Harry acting like that. She told him multiple times that lying wasn’t right and coming out was the only way to authentically experience life, other than being something done to normalise the gay and lesbian experience.

Harry knew she was right, and knew that if he came out maybe Louis could be convinced to live a little be more, but he didn’t know how to take the first steps.

 

_“So, how are you liking James Baldwin, then?” Harry’s carrying two cups of tea and smiling from ear to ear seeing that Louis’ listening to his book suggestions. They’re cooped up in the backside of the bookshop, and Louis doesn’t have to be anywhere for a bit. It’s just nice._

_“It’s great, he’s really got a way with words and I’m loving the stories.” Louis smiles up at him, and takes one of the mugs, putting the book aside in favour of blowing off the steam. “Thank you for the tea.”_

_Harry blushes. “It’s nothing, really,” he murmurs, suddenly shy. He doesn’t really have a lot of experience outside of a couple of blowjobs in dingy bathrooms. Nothing about relationships and how to deal with_ feelings _._

_Louis smiles and pats the side of the bean bag. “Come here, let’s snuggle a bit.”_

_Harry’s sure he couldn’t be redder, but he doesn’t want to throw out an occasion like this, and he carefully seats himself close to Louis, trying not to spill his tea._

_Louis throws his legs over Harry’s, and when Harry looks at him there is mirth in his eyes, and he’s got crinkles at the corner of his eyes even if he’s not smiling that big. Harry loves that look on him, and he rarely gets to see it._

_“You know,” Louis starts, his tea almost finished while Harry barely has taken a sip. “I never thanked you properly because of what you did for me since that first time I came to_ Gay’s _.”_

_Harry sips his tea, going for a shrug but thinking better of it, with his cup almost full. “I told you, it’s nothing more than what Leigh did for me. And I think everybody deserves a Leigh in their life.”_

_Louis snorts. “I’m sure we do, love. But I was talking specifically about_ you _. You were amazing and made me so much more comfortable and happy, and I really have to thank you properly.”_

_Harry giggles a bit, embarrassed. “Okay, then I consider myself thanked properly Lou. And you’re welcome.”_

_“Oh no,” and Louis’ got that mirth in his eyes again. “Don’t think I’ll let you off the hook like this. That’s not a proper thank you at all.”_

_Harry turns his head towards Louis to ask him what does he think a thank you is, but before he can open his mouth, Louis is kissing him._

_He spills a bit of tea on his legs and jumps when he burns himself, totally ruining the moment._

 

Harry could see the head of the march, and thankfully there was an opening where he could pass. He took a deep breath, and sling towards it, trying not to fall and to go as fast as he could.

Someone slapped him on the back of his neck and he received a kick in the shin, but it didn’t matter, he was _almost out_ …

He broke free from the barrier, and he was shamefully thankful because the only recognisable symbol he was wearing was the _Glad to be Gay_ pin on his chest, but it almost disappeared on his wool sweater. He could go on the opposite direction of the protesters and break for the bookshop as soon as he was out of sight from the parade.

He took a couple trembling steps towards the sidewalk and leaned on the wall a bit to catch his breath. He hoped nobody had seen him in the mess, and he scanned the crowd frantically, to see if someone was watching him.

The bystanders and the police officers were all concentrated on the mess that was the parade, and Harry really hoped that Leigh could slink away like he did; she was so much more well-versed, and so much more experienced in this kind of things, he really hoped they didn’t take her to prison.

He scanned the attackers’ crowd much more intently, knowing that if only one of them had seen him he was probably destined to be left bleeding in the first dingy street he went into, and his blood ran cold when he noticed that yes, there was someone who was watching him, and his gaze was at least as terrified as Harry’s.

Louis stood here between what must have been his mother and father, holding a sign with a limp hand. In front of him, a blonde girl, no older than 15.

Harry had to swallow around a wave of nausea that threatened to overcome him. He reached for his pin and tried to open it, but his hands trembled too much, so he tore it away from his sweater and threw it on the ground.

He needed to get away from the parade, as soon as possible.

 

_“There’s been another raid.” Louis’ face is dark like it always gets when they hear about news like that one. Harry doesn’t even try to stop the tear that threatens to spill, still thinking to the brick thrown at the bookshop glass three days ago._

_“And?” He knows it’s not everything, because Louis’ like this. He gives information in bits and pieces, and at his own pace._

_Louis puts his arm over Harry’s shoulders before continuing. “And they found a couple of nineteen year olds with Nick and Liam.”_

_Harry swallows, and starts crying in earnest. Nick is twenty-five, and Liam is Twenty-three. And they’re going to end up like Peter Wells. Holy shit, he’s so sick of everything._

_Louis hugs him, long and hard, and Harry feels his shoulders trembling too. They stay there for a bit, hugging and crying, trying not to think about their friends in prison. Harry’s nineteen too, and Louis’ twenty-two; they both know he wouldn’t be better off if they found them together, and Harry still has two years to go before being legal._

_Leigh finds them like this, just hugging and sniffling on each other’s shoulder. She’s a pro, and she makes them both tea while the others arrive to discuss what happened. Nick works at the bookshop, and Liam is a regular, everybody knows them, and everybody knows what happened when you’re queer and you go to prison._

_Harry holds onto Louis for dear life for the rest of the evening, till he has to go home for tea with his parents._

 

Harry ran as fast as he can till he deemed to be far enough from the parade. He had thought he would have been able to hold himself together till the bookshop, because it was just a couple of miles from Downing street, but as soon as he stopped running he just crumpled where he stood, against the wall. Is head was pounding, and he couldn’t breathe properly because of the run he just did, and he was breaking down in the middle of the street because he saw his boyfriend (was Louis still his boyfriend at that point?) in the last place where he wanted to see him, up with the people who threw a brick to disrupt the parade.

He sobbed, trying to make sense of what he saw back there. Louis’ family was uptight but Louis was an adult, he couldn’t believe he let himself be taken there to protest against the pride, he couldn’t believe he didn’t go with Harry because he was planning to be on the other side of the fence, with the people who spit in their face and beat them up.

He didn’t know how much time he stayed there crying, but after a bit he felt well enough to wipe snot and tears with his sleeves and start walking in the direction of the bookshop. He kept his head down, not fancying people knowing he cried, and hoped there was someone already there, so he could go inside and stay on the beanbags in the back, maybe read a bit. He didn’t feel like going back home.

Only, when he arrived in front of the bookshop Louis was there, hair and clothes both messed up for the first time since Harry met him, and looking as shit as Harry felt.

He didn’t really want to deal with Louis, so he just ignored it and went inside the bookshop, waving tiredly at Zayn and Niall behind the counter. He headed up straight for the back, and when he threw himself on the beanbag he saw Louis on the door, twisting his hands.

Harry started crying again.

Louis closed the door but didn’t make any other move; Harry was grateful for that, but also didn’t really want to stay in the same room as Louis.

Louis wrung his hands a little more, then he apparently decided he didn’t need Harry’s input to start talking, because he said, with a trembling voice: “I hope we’re not done, because I just told my parents I was going to run after my boyfriend, and I think they are changing the front door lock right in this moment.”

Harry took a sharp breath and he was so surprised his sobs stopped all of a sudden. Louis seemed encouraged by that, and he keep going. “I—know I really have no excuse for being there, if not the fact that I was too scared to refusing, and my parents already suspected something and I—” His voice cracked and he sniffed, wiping a tear with his hand. “But when I saw you there I couldn’t stay, couldn’t keep doing that, so I told them my boyfriend saw me and I had to go to him. And here I am. I’m so sorry.”

Harry just nodded, wiping his nose on his sleeve. He felt pathetic, and couldn’t believe what was happening. “Is this—” his voice cracked. He coughed a bit and tried again. “Is this all for real, did you really come out to your parents?”

Louis was looking very small in his fitted clothes, and when he nodded Harry could see he was trembling, like the enormity of what he did was just starting to catch up with him. Some tears rolled down his cheeks and he shrugged, trying to downplay everything. “I just understand that I prefer living a free life with you than a comfortable life full of lies and without you.”

Harry sniffed again and threw himself at Louis, who went slack as soon as he felt Harry touching him, teeth chattering and breath laboured. Harry brought them back to the beanbag, and caressed his boyfriend’s face, waiting for the panic attack to subside, so they could talk.

He was still angry and dejected for what he saw, but having Louis working up the courage to tell his parents that he was gay was gargantuan, and he couldn’t believe it.

They had some talking to do, and they had to see where Louis could live, what job could he do to survive, but right in that moment, with Louis’ small and trembling body pressed up to him like his life depended on it, Harry was inexplicably calm.

He could do it. _They_ could do it.

 

 _Don't feel guilty if you're passing for straight_  
_If you wanna be yourself, well it's never too late_  
_People won't mind if you're honest and gay_  
_You might even find they prefer you that way_

**Author's Note:**

> Another reference that's in the fic is the story of [Peter Wells](http://gladtobegay.net/peter-wells/), talked about in __[Glad to be Gay](http://gladtobegay.net/versions/) by Tom Robinson, from which this fic takes its title. The two quotes at the beginning and at the end are from Good to be Gay, also by Tom Robinson.  
>  Also, [what's Lavender Menace](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lavender_Menace) (they're so cool).
> 
>  
> 
> _If you liked the fic, come greet me on[tumblr](http://cosenoditea.tumblr.com)!_


End file.
